Graystripe's Fate
by thetsunamifan
Summary: When Graystripe begins his remaining moons in StarClan at last and is reunited with Silverstream and Millie, he's forced to choose just one mate, and immediately collapses under the weight of the decision. With the help of close friends and family, Graystripe struggles to find the right course of action to take - before both of his beloved mates lose faith in him. Oneshot


**Spoilers for newer books, like Bramblestar's Storm.**

A piercing bright light turned Graystripe's eyelids red as he squirmed around in his nest. _Why is it this bright? Is it morning already? _He tried to shove his face against the soft moss between his forepaws. _But then... how is this much sunlight getting into the elder's den? _Graystripe's eyelids fluttered for a few more heartbeats before they opened on a vast, luxurious forest. The stone hollow was no more, and this definietly wasn't the elder's den. Luscious soft grass was blown softly in the warm wind that caressed his thick gray pelt soothingly. He could hear the soft welcoming murmurs of tree branches above him, the rays of the sun warming his pelt nicely. The distant rushing of a river sounded nearby.

Suddenly frightened by the realness of this dream, Graystripe shut his eyes tightly and willed his body to wake up. He wanted to be back in the elder's den now, surrounded by the warm pelts of his den-mates, listening to Squirrelflight's voice as she gathered the dawn patrols. When heartbeats passed and it didn't work, he leaped to his paws, the fur on his neck bristling. Anxiety crept along his spine like fire ants. _This is real, _he realized with a gasp. _I'm in... oh, tell me it isn't so... _But he knew exactly where he was. Graystripe had died in his sleep.

_Did you expect to live forever, mouse-brain? _he scolded himself, forcing his body and pelt to relax again. His surroundings were indeed heavenly, and the warm scent of fresh-kill lingered in the air. But that wasn't the only smell caught in the wind. Graystripe's legs nearly buckled beneath him when he saw a familiar ginger pelt coming his way, a bit starrier than he remembered. "Firestar?" he croaked. "Is... is it truly you?"

When the flame-colored tom was just two fox-lengths in front of Graystripe, he halted with his whiskers quivering with amusement. "Yes, old friend," he replied, his purr ringing above the low wind. "But I'm not the only one who's come to greet you."

Graystripe gasped when a black pelt emerged from just behind Firestar that he hadn't noticed up until just now. The new cat's amber eyes glowed, and the white dash on his chest confirmed this StarClan cat's identity. "Ravenpaw," Graystripe breathed.

"Correct," the skinny tom confirmed. He smiled at Graystripe, then to Firestar, before his expression became more somber. "I didn't expect to die so soon, but I'm here now, that's for sure. Barley misses me, and I him, but I'm glad to be among old friends. How I've missed you two!"

Firestar pressed his face into Ravenpaw's cheek. "We've been reunited at last."

Graystripe nuzzled his friends for many heartbeats until he remembered another cat he'd been wishing to see since she'd died. "Millie," he whispered suddenly. "Where is she?"

Firestar bowed his head. "Don't worry about her; she's doing wonderfully. I will lead you to her now, if you'd like."

Graystripe nodded. Cherishing to be padding alongside his friends, he hardly noticed when the pale gray tabby coat appeared before them. She was sunbathing beside two cats unfamiliar to Graystripe. "Millie!" he yowled, running down a steep slope to reach his mate.

"Hm?" The she-cat's head whipped around to stare at the approaching tom. "I can't believe it," she cried, jumping up to meet him at once. They brushed pelts as their tails entwined and their purrs intermixed. "You've finally come for me, Graystripe."

"But of course," he returned, amber eyes gleaming with happiness. He fought against choking sobs that developed from the realization that he was now dead, but the purrs came easily as Millie's sweet scent filled his nostrils. Graystripe could feel Firestar and Ravenpaw's kind gazes as they watched the reunion.

"Run with me!" Millie mewed suddenly. "It's a wonderful place to feel young again."

"Wait for me!" Graystripe yelped as his mate broke apart from him and raced away. He followed hard on her paws, feeling new energy surge through his muscles. The exhaustion and soreness from being old had disappeared, and given way to new and nostalgic, youthful energy. He leaped over a small river in pursuit of Millie, ignoring the prey that scattered as he passed them. A yowl of excitement escaped his jaws, followed by the surprised flapping of wings from birds resting above him in the trees. As Millie disappeared into dense undergrowth, Graystripe stumbled to a halt and looked behind him.

_In the blink of an eye, I entered a perfect, homely world. So what's this feeling in my heart? _During his run, the old tom had developed an empty feeling deep within him that muddled with his thoughts and focus. _It's right there, in the back of my mind! Why can't I remember? _Graystripe was haunted by the thoughts still as he slipped through the undergrowth after Millie. He emerged on the other side to a wide meadow. Though Millie was out of sight, Graystripe saw Firestar and Ravenpaw approaching him with yet another new cat.

This time, Graystripe failed to keep his legs from buckling beneath him.

By the time his legs absorbed strength again and he could stand up straight, Graystripe was face to face with a beautiful silver tabby she-cat with eyes as blue as the treeless sky above them. "I heard from those two first," Silverstream began, her long tail flicking at first Firestar, then Ravenpaw. "But to see it for myself is unbelievable. You've returned, my love."

"Ah, Silverstream!" Graystripe meowed hoarsely, guilt, dizziness, relief and exhilaration overwhelming his mind. "I can't tell you how wonderful it is to see you again..." He gratefully breathed in her scent and leaned forward to lick her muzzle.

Silverstream's tongue rasped over Graystripe's ears in turn. "Now nothing can keep us apart."

A questioning mew from behind him made Graystripe freeze. The realness of his situation appeared right in front of him as Millie's head popped out of a clump of ferns a tree-length away. "Graystripe, I was looking for you!" she scolded him as she came bounding over. "Oh, hello!" she added to Silverstream as she stopped beside Graystripe, giving the other she-cat a friendly but curious look. "Who are you?"

"Silverstream," she replied calmly. Then, observing the way her former mate was brushing against Millie, she added, "Graystripe's mate."

Graystripe felt Millie stiffen instantly. "That can't be," Millie mewed. "Right? You smell of RiverClan." Millie's head swung around to confront Graystripe. "I thought relationships outside of your own Clan was forbidden by the warrior code. Tell me this cat is speaking utter nonsense, Graystripe!"

Too many emotions were swarming Graystripe's mind to respond to her.

Silverstream heaved a sigh. "Okay, there must be some misunderstanding. But Graystripe, you really do need to explain this to us."

In an instant a calming tail was resting on Graystripe's shoulder, and he looked up to see Firestar standing beside him. "Would you like me to speak for you?" he asked.

Graystripe sighed, "No. It's the least I can do to explain it to them myself."

And so the gray tom explained how after he was separated from ThunderClan, he'd met a kittypet who helped him find his way to the Clans' new home. He'd fallen in love with said kittypet, and had kits with her and loved her dearly. "But I've never stopped having feelings for you, Silverstream," Graystripe concluded.

Both the she-cats' blue eyes were wide with disbelief. Finally Silverstream's gaze fell to the grass underpaw. "I see," she murmured smoothly.

Millie's eyes were still wide with distraught. "Oh, Graystripe, I just don't know what to say."

Graystripe's tail drooped miserably as he was at a loss for words. "Feel free to scold me," he mewed at last.

The patter of paw steps approached and Ravenpaw stopped beside Firestar. "But you've done nothing wrong!" the black tom protested.

Millie turned her head away as Silverstream continued glaring at the ground. Finally, after awkward heartbeats of tense silence, Firestar stepped forward to face Graystripe's mates. "You can't stay mad at him forever," he meowed. "He never meant to hurt either of you. There must be a peaceful way to settle this."

"You can't have both of us!" Millie blurted out to Graystripe. "It's me or her, you know." When Graystripe hesitated, Millie began to back away from the grouped cats. Uncertainty glistened in her eyes and posture. "If this is how it's going to be, I don't want to be involved in something so complicated."

"Millie, you can't mean that!" Graystripe exclaimed. "I mean, you shouldn't have to be put through all this. Neither of you should," he added, giving Silverstream a sad glance that was returned right back. "I truly am in love with both of you..." she whispered.

"Millie's right, though," Silverstream mewed, her tail swishing from side to side. "You can only have one mate. But I can see you're already tuckered out from everything you've seen today," she mewed slowly as she went on, "So we can give you time to decide. Can't we?" she added to Millie.

After a brief moment, Millie nodded. "Of course," she mumbled.

Graystripe truly didn't know what else to say now as his mates left in separate directions. _What have I gotten myself into? _he thought wretchedly. _All these promised moons of peace will all just be many moons of regret!_

"Relax, friend." Firetstar's voice sounded above Graystripe's drooping head. "Maybe some hunting will help clear your mind."

"I think I just need to rest," Graystripe sighed. The usually active, strong and confident tom Graystripe once was seemed many moons into the past. His old age seemed to creep up on him once again even here, and his shoulders sagged with defeat as he left his friends behind and sought somewhere warm to rest.

~*l.l*~

When Graystripe tried to stand up again, he floundered back onto his side with a defeated sigh. A harrowing depression unlike any emotion he'd experienced when he was alive seemed to be immobilizing Graystripe's body. What was the point of getting up again? Of all the tragic moments in his life, even when Silverstream bled out and died giving birth to their kits, Graystripe had never felt so crippled with helplessness. What was he supposed to tell his dearly beloved mates? How could he possibly choose one over the other? Time was slipping by as the she-cats began to lose faith in him, and Graystripe couldn't even find the strength to stand up, let alone find the right words and settle the situation.

"Fox-heart!" Graystripe snarled at himself. In his head, he continued, _How could you leave them to worry while you try to avoid the situation like some weak cat? You're not weak! You're _Graystripe!

Struggling to his paws again, Graystripe lifted his chin. "I'll make it up to them," he vowed softly. His thorn-sharp claws dug into StarClan's grass beneath his paws. "I'm not a quitter, or a fox-heart. I have to do something; the right thing. But what could that be?"

As if summoned by the question, a familiar silver pelt bounded into the clearing Graystripe had been resting in. At first Graystripe thought it was Silverstream, but her distinctive downy tail helped him recognize the young cat. "Feathertail!"

The soft-furred silver tabby she-cat nodded, padding closer to brush against Graystripe. "Silverstream told me everything that happened yesterday," she explained eventually. "Dear StarClan, have you got a lot of issues to sort out!"

Though her voice was filled with amusement, Feathertail's eyes were glowing with obvious worry. "I honestly don't know what to do," Graystripe admitted in a low voice. "Have... have I made a mistake? In taking Millie as my mate, I mean."

Feathertail brushed her long, fluffy tail along Graystripe's flank. "I don't believe so, father. If you truly loved her, it would only make sense to be with her."

"But now what am I suppose to do?" Graystripe asked, guilt washing over him that he was demanding such an important opinion from his daughter and putting her on the spot. "I love your mother, but I love Millie just as well..."

Feathertail's eyes narrowed with uncertainty, then relaxed again as they fixed on Graystripe. "Perhaps it's time you chose who you love _more_."

Graystripe's heart ached. He wanted both she-cats, but he knew they didn't desire that. But the other decision prompted by his daughter was what he was trying to avoid. Just _one_? But they had both been of great importance in his life!

"That is what I think you should do," Feathertail went on, "But you don't have to listen to me. Go seek guidance from Firestar, or Ravenpaw." As Feathertail turned to leave, she looked back over her shoulder for a few precious heartbeats. "I believe that if you did choose Millie, however, Silverstream would never hold a grudge. She's always loved you too much to be mad at you for long." With a long purr erupting from her throat, Graystripe's daughter left him.

Sunhigh the next day, things weren't looking much better for the poor dark gray ThunderClan tom.

"This is possibly going to be the most important decision you've made your entire life, and you're a dead cat!"

Graystripe was sharing a thrush with Ravenpaw under the shelter of an oak tree. The black tom gazed at Graystripe with worry in his eyes. "I hope neither of them become angry with you, whatever you decide is best."

Graystripe glanced up as Firestar approached, a squirrel dangling in his jaws. He dropped it and meowed, "I trust them both to respect the way you think."

"Or perhaps the best decision would be to leave them both?" Ravenpaw murmured.

"No," Graystripe mewed softly. "You don't understand. They're both so important to me, and to live the remainder of my existence in StarClan without them would eat away at whatever's left of my soul." With a sigh, he continued, "In the end, the decision that I make has to be one that I can live with until the end of my stay here."

"We will back you up on whatever you believe is the right choice," Firestar promised, with an agreeing nod from Ravenpaw.

"Okay," Graystripe told them, "I think I might know what to do. Wish me luck."

The gray tom took a last rushed bite of their thrush and took off. Eventually the sweet scent of Silverstream came over him and just heartbeats later he saw the silver she-cat perched on a rock beside a stream, focused intently on the water's surface as she fished. Her forepaw lashed out and flopped a large, spotted brown fish onto the flat rock beside her. As she crouched down to deliver a killing bite, she noticed Graystripe sitting patiently at the edge of the rock. His heart beat ever faster when their eyes locked; Silverstream licked her jaws and sat close nearby him, ignoring the fish for now.

"You know I don't mind if you take Millie as your mate," she mewed gently. The sorrow in her eyes made Graystripe flinch. It was his actions, after all, that had filled this she-cat with such heart-aching emotion.

"I choose you."

Silverstream's eyes blinked once, as if she was having trouble processing the words, then she met Graystripe's amber eyes again. "Are you sure?" she whispered.

"Of course I am," he replied calmly.

Almost as soon as the words left his jaws the she-cat's body was being hurled toward him. Licks covered his forehead and eyes as slender arms took him in a headlock. "I wonder how you could say that," she meowed as she began to calm down bit by bit. "Millie will be devastated. You loved her so."

"I know that she'll understand once I explain it to her." _Will she, though? _he wondered silently, and a cold chill racked his body.

Silverstream didn't seem to notice as she padded back to her catch. "Do you want to share it?" she asked.

The two cats shared the prey, lovingly pressed close together and reveling in each other's presence. When they'd finished their meal, Graystripe leaped gracefully off the rock. "I need to find Millie now," he meowed. "I'll come find you again later."

"I'm sure she'll be understanding," Silverstream reassured him, but Graystripe's paws were still urging him to go back as he set out to find Millie. He found the tabby she-cat resting much farther down the stream, curled up and turned to the water rippling brightly under the sunlight. As Graystripe got closer, he noticed her eyes were half-opened and gazing at the river with restlessness.

"You're here," Millie said once she'd noticed him; she sat upright, ready for news.

Graystripe opened his jaws. "Ahh... I, uh-" His stammering broke off as soon as he saw the look of realization on Millie's face. It broke his heart, to say the least, as Millie closed her eyes tightly and flattened her ears as if the last thing she wanted was to hear what she knew he was about to say. "I choose Silverstream." The words were barely audible, but it was clear that Millie had just heard him.

She sank into a lying position as if she'd lost the strength to even sit up. "It makes sense," she mewed. "You knew her first. She must have meant the world to you."

"She does." Quickly, he added, "You do, too. The thing about it is, I have so much history with her. I do with you, too, but it's... different. I-"

"No, Graystripe, please don't go on. I understand, okay?" Millie lifted her head as she spoke to him. "What went on between the two of you is and will forever be beyond my understanding. Go with her now, and live out your life in StarClan with her."

"So you aren't angry with me?" he pressed. "Or with Silverstream?" He had to know if this would ruin Millie's life in StarClan or not. For the most part, she would feel lonely here without a mate by her side. He couldn't leave this cat behind until he knew she would be okay without him.

"Angry?" Millie whiskered, her voice breaking with emotion. "How could I be selfish enough to be angry? As a kittypet, I never imagined an afterlife, but somehow I earned one." Millie turned her face to the flowing water beside her. "And yet, despite all that, if I serve out his lifetime here without you... oh, what shall I do?"

"Our kits will come to join us soon," Graystripe reminded her, but only made himself feel worse as he was reminded that he'd had kits with Millie who would come to StarClan to find that their parents had split.

"I would enjoy their company, too," Millie murmured. "It's all right, Graystripe. I'll be find until they come to join us."

"We still share StarClan's hunting grounds," Graystripe told her gently. "We won't be truly separated. We can always go hunting, or exploring, if only as-"

"Friends," Millie finished for him.

_Oh, how I don't want to do this to you, _Graystripe wailed silently. He was normally so strong of heart, but this awful turn of events as soon as he'd stepped into StarClan had made Graystripe more distressed than ever. Silently, slowly, he turned around and padded away, hoping that Millie might speak up and say something comforting to him, but there was nothing but silence the entire walk back to Silverstream.

~*l.l*~

Graystripe was grooming himself in the loneliness of a small clearing enclosed by brambles when a rustling caught his attention. Astonishment seized him when the towering figure of a cat with light brown tabby fur emerged from the tightly-packed wall of brambles. "Crookedstar!" Graystripe exclaimed.

"He wanted to see you," Silverstream explained from behind her father, and both she and Feathertail emerged after the former RiverClan leader.

"Congratulations on being reunited with my daughter," Crookedstar began. "I heard there was some trouble making this happen, however. Silverstream told me everything."

Graystripe sighed. "A lot has happened in my short time of being here, more bad than good." It had been nearly a quarter moon since Graystripe had revealed his decision of taking Silverstream over Millie. To his dismay, he hadn't seen Millie since he'd given her the news.

"I'm not surprised," Crookedstar meowed. "There would have been many unsolvable issues with taking on two mates in StarClan..."

"So I did the right thing?" Graystripe asked quietly, half to himself.

Crookedstar looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, I believe so. You've made my daughter happy again, as well as my granddaughter. But how is Millie handling this resolution?"

"I think she's come to accept it," Graystripe told him, but only half-sure himself. "I had kits with her, and I wonder how they will react once they find out."

"If they're your kits, I'm sure they will be wise enough to understand your tough decision," Silverstream murmured; Feathertail nodded her agreement.

Graystripe padded forward and brushed muzzles with his mate. "I do love you, dear," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

As Graystripe pulled away, a new scent drifted over his nose. He followed Crookedstar's suddenly intent gaze to a new pelt at the other end of the small clearing. "Millie?" Graystripe mewed, shocked as the lithe she-cat stepped into clear view.

Millie's eyes were expressionless, and her voice monotone as she meowed, "I'm happy for you."

_It doesn't sound that way, _Graystripe thought sadly. Crookedstar took a sudden step forward and bowed his head. "You must be Millie," he rasped.

"I am," the she-cat replied evenly.

Following Millie into the open were Ravenpaw and Firestar. "She wanted to see you," Firestar told Graystripe, repeating what Silverstream had said moments ago.

Silverstream sighed. "This has been difficult for everyone involved. Now we're all here to settle this properly."

"Not everyone involved is here," Millie protested. "Graystripe, our kits are not yet with us in StarClan. How can we rectify this properly without their input?"

"We can still handle this without them here, and when they do come to us, we'll help them to understand what happened," Graystripe promised her gently. Millie still looked unconvinced, but she puffed out a breath and said nothing more.

"I thought you made their decision already, Graystripe," Firestar mewed to his friend.

Graystripe dug his claws into the ground. "But was it the right one?" he murmured. "I'm not so sure anymore." He glanced around as the eyes of all six curious cats fixed on him, then centered his own eyes on Millie. "I don't want to hurt you!" he cried.

Silverstream and Millie flinched around him. Crookedstar narrowed his eyes and blocked Graystripe's view of Millie. "What shall you do now?" he prompted. "It obviously hurts you to have to leave one behind. You must make the choice that your heart tells you is the right one, and stick to it." Leaning forward to press his muzzle against Graystripe's ear, he continued softly, "I knew you when you were alive, Graystripe. Don't pretend you're incapable of doing this. You're a cat of strength and integrity, and you have the ability to face this with courage."

Graystripe knew he was right. He had to make the choice to put his mates' minds at ease, and put his own spirit to rest as well. "I am not leaving either of you," he declared.

Millie jumped to her paws immediately. "I refuse to share you. It's mouse-brained!"

"But he loves you both equally," Feathertail mewed. "So it's that, or he leaves you both."

"Graystripe..." Silverstream began, but her voice faltered. "Oh, dear, you really can't do this, can you?"

"What do you mean?" Graystripe asked. "I'm confident in this alternative. Look," he went on as both his mates looked troubled more than ever, " I spent many happy moons with you both, had kits with you, shared countless meals beside you. How could I turn my back on one of you as if that never happened? I don't regret anything," he meowed with clear certainty in his tone. "Not a single moment with either of you. Millie, while I was with you, I did have thoughts of Silverstream, but I loved you as a mate. And Silverstream, during the time that you were alive, I couldn't have been happier. More than anything else, it would be mouse-brained to abandon the lives we shared together."

"I agree," Silverstream meowed after what seemed a moon.

Eventually Millie rushed forward and pressed against her mate. "You flea-brain," she purred hoarsely. "Two mates for a single tom? But so long as I'm with you..."

Graystripe glanced at Firestar and Ravenpaw. Firestar dipped his head. "If both Silverstream and Millie agree to it, perhaps that's the best course of action."

Crookedstar nodded, though his green eyes were shadowed with a new emotion. "This has never happened before."

"You're a lucky cat," Ravenpaw added kind-heartedly.

Silverstream and Millie exchanged glances. "I don't want this to be a competition," Millie admitted.

"Me, neither," Silverstream agreed. "But Graystripe means the world to the both of us. We can probably make this work."

"It's worth a try," Millie mewed.

_Is this a mouse-brained idea after all? _Graystripe thought, wondering if he was more trouble than he was worth. Silverstream and Millie didn't deserve to be put through this labyrinth of doubt and cruel emotions, but no cat was outrightly objecting to the idea. And this was the only way Graystripe could remain mates with the two cats he loved more than anything else in the world.

Suddenly Firestar and Ravenpaw were pressing up on either side of him. "I hope this works out for the best," Ravenpaw mewed.

"May StarClan approve your decision," Crookedstar meowed from nearby before leaving the clearing.

Silverstream nearly followed her father out before turning to face Millie. "Why don't we get to know each other better?" she suggested.

Millie shrugged. "It can't hurt," she meowed. The she-cats brushed pelts as they followed Feathertail out of sight as well. Ravenpaw scampered off alone and left Graystripe in the clearing with Firestar.

"Are you confident in this?" Firestar pressed.

Graystripe nodded firmly and lifted his chin, meeting the former ThunderClan leader's troubled green gaze. "Silverstream and Millie aren't afraid to speak their minds. They wouldn't have gotten themselves involved in this madness if they truly thought I'd lost my mind."

Firestar purred, and his green eyes glowed brilliantly again as they followed the she-cats out of the tight clearing. Graystripe returned to the rock where Silverstream had caught the fish and sat beside the ginger tom, curling his tail neatly over his forepaws.

"Look," Firestar mewed suddenly, flicking his own tail just above the water's surface.

"What?" Graystripe prompted after several heartbeats of not seeing anything.

"Our reflections," Firestar purred, and Graystripe noticed that the river had become still and their images were reflected perfectly off the water's surface. Graystripe flinched at the realization that he and Firestar appeared young again, as if they were the much younger versions of themselves they left long ago in the old forest. The gray tom relaxed again, realizing also that this wonderful reflection portrayed the new life he'd started in StarClan. Leaning against Firestar's flame-colored pelt - and remembering their adventures and dangerous missions in the old forest as he gazed at their reflection - he savored his friend's presence for however long it may last.


End file.
